baby steps

Don’t you love it when God plants a seed of truth one day that grows into a shady tree of comfort at exactly the moment you need one?  God did just this for me recently: He showed me truth about  Himself that I didn't need until about a week later.  It was like comfort-credit.  He invested in my heart, and the return on His investment was stronger faith.

I was heading into a meeting with my two-year-old, Evie, letting her practice her new walking skills.  At that point, she was still needing to hold my hand.  She gripped my one finger with her whole hand, and together we moved along the sidewalk, watching snails and turtles blow past us at alarming rates!  That girl was SLOW!!!!  I mean, it was cute and sweet for about 45 seconds, but when I calculated the trip in my head and realized it was going to be another 72 minutes before we entered the building that was 50 feet away, I became less amused. 

I tried to encourage her with lots of  "Come on, baby girl!  You're doing it!  You got it now.  Come along...keep going...OK now...a little faster."  My voice got faster and higher as my brain considered just picking her up and carrying her the rest of the way. 

I had a meeting, ya know?  I had people waiting to see me.  I needed to get to my seat.  This little walk was fun, but real life was tapping me on the shoulder with urgency.

But I stopped myself from picking her up.  Even when we got to a little curb that caused us to take a step up.  Evie just stood there.  She looked at the curb.  Looked at her feet.  The curb.  My face.  I could feel her pulling herself down -- to her comfort zone: on the ground crawling.  She was moving into the crouch when I pulled her arm up gently, telling her she could do this.  She was ready to step up.  I knew she could.  She had the strength, just not the confidence. 

And she did it.  She pulled her little body up that 4-inch height, and she learned that she was capable.  So the next time she needs to step up, she will have a little more confidence. 

The spiritual lessons God had for me through that experience flood me now.

That's me, after all -- gripping my Daddy's one finger with my whole hand.  Walking at a snail's pace, one rigid, shaky step after another.  Except my Daddy isn't hurrying me along.  He has other things waiting, but these steps I am taking are all that matter at the moment.  He is smiling down at me, proud as could be at my progress, encouraging me with every step. 

And it's right about now that I am reaching the curb.  I am faced with a new step that seems really really scary -- hard, painful, incredibly unsure.  It's something I have never done before, and I am very interested in getting back in my comfort zone position -- crouched and crawling. Right now, I am not ready to step up.

I am absolutely not ready for this.

But in this moment -- so soon after God's comfort investment -- God reminds me of that moment at the curb.  I could confidently encourage Evie to take that step because I knew she was ready.  I had seen her exercise the kind of strength she needed in other ways, and I was going to be right there to support her as she took this step. 

I knew she had the strength, just not the confidence.

And God is saying this to me: He will not bring me to the curb until He knows I have the strength. 

The curb is coming, but it's not here now.  I don't need to beat myself up for not being ready.  I don't need to wonder how on earth I am going to get up that giant height when I know I am not strong enough. 

When the time comes, I will be ready.  Even as I hunch back into my crawling position, God will pull me upright.  He will hold my hand, my elbow, my waist if necessary to let me know He is supporting me.  He won't leave me to climb it alone.

Because He knows the exact moment when I will have the strength, even if I don't have the confidence. 

I can trust Him.  I can bask in His grace and take the pressure off myself -- extend some kindness to myself.  It's OK that I am not ready right now.  I don't need to be.  I can stand on the truth that He is not going to bring me to the curb until I am strong enough to make that step.  And even then, He won't forsake me or leave me to figure it out alone. 

For now, I can just practice these steps and allow Him to strengthen me and trust that He is preparing me to face this scary thing with courage, humility, and love. 

And the same is true for you.  Whether you are taking baby steps at the snail's pace or prepping for a marathon -- whether your upcoming climb is four inches or 40 feet -- God is extending the same grace to you.  He is holding you.  He isn't going anywhere.  He knows exactly the moment you have the strength, even if you have no confidence.  He won't ask you to step up and then walk away.  Lean in, grasp with all your might, and let Him show you what He can do in your life.