As Was His Custom: Submission
Woman releasing sky lantern.
I remember it vividly. Michael (my pastor husband) and I were leading a group of engaged couples through several months of pre-marriage counseling and preparation. During that time, we leaned into some heavy passages of Scripture that ruffled a few feathers. This time, Michael asked everyone to open their Bibles to Ephesians 5:22-33. Immediately, once the pages were turned and the passage quickly scanned, I heard several breaths suck in, saw shoulders stiffen, and mouths turn down. The women’s eyes shifted hastily from the page to their future husbands, and the men all seemed to be looking at the ceiling for an auditory word FROM THE LORD.
Submit. That word alone sends shivers down spines. It acts as a gut punch for any woman who has, at one time or another, wanted to lead something in her church or home. It shuts the mouths of prophets, silences wives everywhere, and makes a lot of men in our Western culture uncomfortable. It’s a word that’s been abused in the Church for hundreds, possibly thousands of years.
What’s surprising is that Jesus practiced submissiveness. Wait - submissiveness was a normal custom of a man? The Son of God?
Yes. And what’s even more surprising is that He could not have provided the Way for our salvation without it. His disciples weren’t expecting it. Neither were those who were against Jesus. However, perhaps the easiest place to witness Jesus’ submission is within the prayer (Matt. 6:9-13) He taught His disciples.
Yeshua’s (Jesus’) Custom of Submission
Yeshua practiced submission regularly throughout His life. He first submitted to the Scripture (John 1:1-14) speaking them into existence, and yet was in submission to them so that they would be fulfilled (Matt. 26:54-56; Mark 14:49; Luke 4:21, 22:35-37; John 13:18, 17:12, 19:36; Acts 1:16). He was born as a human infant (Luke 2:7), obeyed his parents (Luke 2:51), worked as a stonemason, submitted to John’s baptism (Matt. 3:13-17; Mark 1:9-11; Luke 3:21), surrendered to soldiers (John 18:6-9 ), allowed the religious leaders to hold an illegal trial and yielded to Pilate’s verdict (John 18:12-14, 28-38; Matt. 26:57-68; 27:1-2, 26; Luke 22:6-12, 63-71), allowed Himself to be nailed to a cross, and after resurrecting, handed over His mission to His disciples. But most importantly, He submitted to His Father (over 47 times in John’s Gospel alone!). Submission oozed from Yeshua’s veins.
But within the prayer, He taught His disciples something critical to our faith. He asked when they prayed to say, “Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.” Time after time, Jesus submitted to the will of His Father, and according to Frank Laubach, in his book, Prayer: The Mightiest Force in the World, Jesus submitted to the Father over 47 times in the Gospel of John. We see the Trinity at work heavily through the Gospel accounts as the Father wills and Jesus obeys and depends on the Spirit.
Yeshua’s entire life shows us that to be submissive is
To surrender
To yield
To release control
To allow
To hand over control
To trust and obey
Even more, His life shows how to honor others. Michael and I once had a counselor tell us that although love and respect are great for marriage, what makes a marriage last is, in fact, honor. To give honor is to give respect when it’s not been earned. According to Dallas Williard, submission is “abandoning outcomes to God.”
Submission looks like letting go of
Making things happen (even in serving God!)
Making people join “your way.”
Trying to people-please
Success
Yikes! Can we truthfully let go of these things? People-pleasing, getting things “done,” constantly aiming for success? Will you allow others to be put first? Will you trust and obey what God is leading you to do?
Underneath the Translation
Jesus showed His submission to the Father when He followed His directives. John 14:31a says, “But I do as the Father has commanded me, so that the world may know that I love the Father.” Jesus trusted His Father and obeyed Him so that the world would know that Jesus LOVED HIM. What does that say about us when we struggle to submit to the commands (Matt. 28:19; Titus 2:3-5) that Jesus has asked us to do?
While so many cringe over that word in Ephesians 5:22 (submit), they don’t realize that verse 22 is a continuation of verse 21, and there is no verb in verse 22. The verb from 21 must be carried on into verse 22, therefore showing that the two phrases should be read together. The literal translation reads, “Be submitting yourselves to one another in reverence to Christ, wives to their own husbands as to the LORD…” If we are to “submit or be subject” to one another out of reverence to Christ, then the second phrase, “wives to their own husbands,” has a different spin, doesn’t it? It seems to me and numerous other Bible scholars that husbands and wives should submit themselves to each other. The phrase “wives each to their own husband” seems to imply that wives are only supposed to submit to their husbands, not other men. Could this be pointing to a flaw that has existed in my own thought pattern of submitting myself to the men in my church even when the Spirit was telling me otherwise?
In verses 25 and following, Paul writes that husbands should give up their own lives for their wives like Christ did for the Church. So, a husband and wife are both mutually submitting to each other, but the husband is asked to go even further and lay down his actual life for his wife, just like Yeshua did for all of us. Women at this time were considered second-class citizens, next to slaves. Paul’s phrasing would have been culture-shaking but still follows the Kingdom’s living. Paul is asking all of us to submit to each other, just like we submit to Christ. It should remind us of Galatians 3:26-28, where Paul writes that all are children of God and “ONE” in Christ.
How Can We Follow Yeshua in Submissiveness?
In truth, I believe it starts with honor. And not just honoring those whom we love and respect. But honoring all who cross our paths. So – that friend that tore you apart behind your back to all of your other supposed friends? Honor her. To that teacher who graded you harshly for no reason? Honor him. To the family member who constantly points out your mistakes and shortcomings? Honor her. Especially when it is our father and mother (Exod. 20:12). However, remember that honoring does not mean disregarding your healthy relationship boundaries.
Practically speaking, how do we practice this custom of submissiveness?
Start with the Lord’s Prayer. When you wake, find time to utter the sacred words of the prayer that Jesus taught His disciples (Matt. 6:9-13). Learn to trust and obey what God is asking you to do today.
Give respect to people who have hurt you.
Anytime you are about to step into a situation, have a conversation with another person, or make a choice, give it to God. Wait for Him to give an answer before making a decision. Submit to His leading if He steers you in a different direction.
Let others speak first and provide their thoughts and opinions.
Set aside time to practice the Sabbath or other feasts and festivals that Jesus practiced.
After Michael and I leaned into the Ephesians 5 passage with the future married couples, shoulders began to relax, mouths were loosened and discussed, and the men finally made eye contact with their future brides. Michael mentioned that most immediately point out the word “submit” to wives but seem to skip over the fact that the husbands are asked to lay down their lives for their wives as Jesus did. The weight and sacrifice lie heavier upon the husband’s shoulders. Eyes widened. Women stood taller. Their fiances clasped their hands and nodded. They would sacrifice everything for their future brides. It showed in their eyes. And the women? They looked adoringly at their future husbands. It was a perfect picture of mutual submission.
Perhaps the word “submit” won’t bring such a bitter taste to our mouths in the future when we think that Yeshua Himself practiced it regularly. And what if we didn’t look at the word submit as a means of control? But what if we looked at it as an offering?
